Virginia Exploits Storm to Build Light Pollution Barrier

Northern Virginia officials scrambled overnight to redeploy snow removal assets and secure additional contract crews after recognizing that an epic winter storm pummeling the region provided a decennial opportunity to block light pollution emanating from Maryland's new Sphere Entertainment Center in Prince George's County. 

An army of plows and front loaders from Alexandria, Fairfax and Arlington moved tons of frozen material to the banks of the Potomac, creating a 700-foot wall of solidly compacted snow and ice. Officials say it will block Sphere visibility for all Virginians, reducing eye strain and allowing those living closest to the river to regain their normal circadian rhythm.

"The Wall stops Maryland's luminous 'Sin Harbor' flux from polluting our environment," said Alexandria Mayor Alyia Gaskins. "Alexandria residents will no longer suffer a 300-foot illumination of Carrot Top reflecting off their bedroom windows."

Virginia officials concede The Wall may not withstand the region's sweltering summer temperatures. "But if it blocks the light and keeps PG wildlings out for six months, it was worth it," Gaskins told The Leek.

Maryland officials fired back, vowing to raise the Sphere’s output by 1.2 million lumens and display a 500-foot loop of Robin Ficker picking his teeth with the George Washington Masonic National Memorial.